The alchemical tension between control and spontaneity.
The alchemical tension between control and spontaneity.
I've always loved things that straddle the worlds of both technical precision and wholehearted spontaneity. When things are too measured and straight, too exact, it's like my body goes to sleep and numbs out, a bit like how we might feel in an in an airport. It's functional, and I appreciate what it's for, but it's not enlivening.
Similarly, when there's too much abandon and disregard for form, things seem dishevelled and uncared for.
Some art has been created to communicate something important, a point we need to know about, a moment in time culturally that the artist wanted intentionally for us to see and remember. Some artwork is political, some is conceptual. There is no end to the variety of communication. I've always been drawn to the heart of things. The spirit. An old oak table covered in marks from families and friends over a hundred years, these things speak to me, plastic just doesn't.
It doesn't matter how many interiors magazines I see them doing great things with plastic, I'm not their customer. It's too clean, I don't feel relaxed.
People often doubt their artistic expression because they've been shown so much art and design that is highly strategic and considered, highly marketed, and everyone is supposed to agree to its value in the world. When people then attempt to coax something into being that comes from within, it seems like it doesn't measure up.
I feel we fear the dishevelled at this point in time, but there may and I'm sure have been times where people feared order and structure. In terms of the emotional landscape I see, I witness people incredibly held together, almost like they're gasping for air, holding...it...all. We are at an all time high in mental health crisis world wide, so I feel my role right now, as we all have a role, is to encourage a wider emotional range. I advocate for messy feelings and will always remind you that being human is a wild ride, you might as well feel all the wild textures.
I spoke with a lovely man recently who was telling me about his girlfriend's growing jewellery business, her work is very beautiful, and I offered my cheer and enthusiasm. He told me he's trying to get her to work directly into the wax, but that she prefers to sketch the design before she attempts to realise it in wax, and later metal.
I truly don't believe that either way is superior of inferior. Both are important. I think it's good to know which one we naturally lean more towards so that we can support our artistic practice, as well as ourselves in our lives in general.
Do you fear the spontaneity of direct work? Improvisation? Or perhaps the thought of planning scares you? I am the latter ! This isn't an opportunity to judge ourselves, more a measuring stick to see what could use some nourishment.
The artistic path is holding the tension between the duality of control and spontaneity, and not trying to neaten it. We have to be able to hold the big energy required of us. The uncertainty is electric and will keep us awake at night, there will be tears shed and there will be so many hum drum boring days we will be brought to our knees. And then, if we can relax, something might shift and a felt sense of full body pleasure will be all that is happening. Mmmm, that's good. Then, anxiety will come, then ideas, then another project and on and on and on.
There is nowhere to land and no place that will be final, which is why holding the tension between the extremes is the initiation that brings the goods.
If you, dear one reading this, are stuck in your life, or with your creative practice, I offer you this to consider.
Bring to mind the most challenging edge in your life right now, a relationship, a situation, an addiction you're struggling with, and then bring to mind the thing that feels the most in flow, the most natural and spontaneous. Now, consider that they are merely the two furthest poles of your experience. This rich, vast, varied human experience.
Do you have a secret feeling that life will be all good once the challenge stops? Once that is sorted out then you'll be able to be in flow?
Well, this isn't the case.
(Please note, I'm referring to every day life challenges here, I'm not referring to situations of harm or abuse or anything else that would require our immediate attention)
So, bringing this back to our creative practice, and making it frankly juicier, more embodied and part of our integrated and emotionally intelligent human experience, here's how this relates...
We have been conditioned to view our lives both internally and externally in terms of all the grit having been neatened out. This means that we UNCONSCIOUSLY attribute challenging emotions and psychic material as FAILURE and that we're not thriving. This couldn't be further from the truth. The more energy there is, the more energy there is. Emotions aren't good or bad, they're energy.
The most integrated people are those who aren't afraid of their own pain, and I would say pleasure. Those who are willing to go to the underworld of their own experience and find those gold coins, that those who know how to see them will see them. The trick, is coming back from the intensity, from the high, or the low, and using the wisdom of the experience in our lives.
Consider again the two poles of contrasting experience. There is also the space between, which isn't really space at all, not in the sense that it's void.
The problem is, we continuously skirt around our own pain and discomfort because we feel ill equipped to hold the tension of it in our lives as well as everything else we have to do, right? Healing is a full time job!
When we suppress one feeling we suppress FEELING. Given that art making is a direct result of internally experienced material, as wonderfully mundane as the natural inspiration of being alive, or as deeply challenging as feeling through and integrating deep grief and loss... feeling is paramount.
So the first challenge is that we believe we have to be 'put together' both physically and emotionally all the time, which is, well, not very interesting, is it, really?
This means we deny, suppress or project emotions that fall outside of such a limited scope that we've set for ourselves. This is what I think of when I see little girls in lovely dresses that aren't allowed to get dirty or jump in puddles...because they have to look neat. For the internal world, that's a disaster. The deep realms of the wild galactic soul care not for money in the bank, how things look or what our opinions are, they're operating with much more fiery material than all that.
The second challenge then, is that when we try to pursue a creative challenge or project, there are so many emotions we've been blocking off for years. These are mostly frustration, grief, anger and fear, but could manifest in any number of ways.
When these emotions arise, as they will, we would rather procrastinate, because the ' feeling and busting through frustration' muscle is weak. The 'my work is crap compared to other peoples work on Instagram' feeling is too much to feel through, so there's temptation to stop, and get distracted.
The more we feel the uncomfortable emotions that come up when we make creative work, the better we become at letting them be.
Dear one reading this, please know that if you have feelings of unworthiness or insecurity around your work, this is absolutely normal. Try to hold them in the way you would hold the feelings of an upset child. They are simply what is there. They will move in a few moments if you let yourself feel them.
I should also say, that if the feelings of unworthiness are due to a legitimate lack of skill, well then take some lessons, get skilled. Either way - do something.
This will help clear the channels so that more sensation, emotion and embodiment will come through, and this will of course include your desires to create, your natural inspiration as your response to this life.
Dear one, what you have to offer is unique, it can't ever be replaced or copied, it is your medicine.
By allowing the two furthest poles of your experience to exist in their duality, as they are, we strengthen our capacity to hold energy, and to receive more. More will mean more, so that could very well include discomfort and pain, as we're feeling what was there all along but we couldn't let ourselves feel it. I am always finding new layers of grief as well as deeper layers of love and belonging, often in the same crisis ;)
It should be stressed, that you never need to feel these feelings alone if you aren't able to or don't want to. There are countless skilled magicians in the form of somatic therapists, psychotherapists and many other healers, so please find the support you need, so that you can embody more and more of this human experience, and if you feel moved to, to share your unique perspective in whatever form is your medicine.
With love,
Loren
1052 comments
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Hi My name is Mona. I just want to share my experience with the world on how I got my love back and saved my marriage… I was married for 7 years with 4 kids and we lived happily until things started getting ugly and we had fights and arguments almost every time… it got worse at a point that he filed for divorce… I tried my best to make him change his mind & stay with me cause I loved him with all my heart and didn’t want to lose him but everything just didn’t work out… he moved out of the house and still went ahead to file for divorce… I pleaded and tried everything but still nothing worked. The breakthrough came when someone introduced me to this wonderful, great spell caster Dr Zuma, who eventually helped me out… I have never been a fan of things like this but just decided to try reluctantly cause I was desperate and left with no choice… He did special prayers and cast a love spell on him. Within 24hours he called me and was sorry for all the emotional trauma he had cost me, he moved back to the house and we continue to live happily, the kids are happy too and we are expecting our fourth child… I have introduced him to a lot of couples with relationship problems across the world and they have had good news… Just thought I should share my experience cause I strongly believe someone out there needs it… You can contact him on spiritualherbalisthealing@gmail.com
My marriage with my husband was all blissful till the day he walked away and never returned. I was broken and helpless and so many loved ones came through for me to join forces with me to resolve the misunderstandings i had with him but nothing was effective. He left me and our boys and before i could get to know anything else about him, i was told he is presently with an Asian lady and i knew that i had to fight to win him back to us. I had to reach out to dr isikolo and he came right on time to help me fix the problems. I was made to understand the procedures on how everything i wanted will duly happen and i complied. Dr Isikolo was hastened to fix the problems in my marriage knowing my husband was about being taken wrongfully and just as he promised, the result of his works manifested and my husband got back home to us. I cant thank him enough for everything. You can contact Dr Isikolo on his page: https://isikolo-temple.com or WhatsApp text on +234-8133261196
I was convinced after using the numbers provided by DR OGBO when I told him I wanted to win the lottery because of the post I saw online about his winning numbers, he said he has helped a lot of people and I won’t be an exception to that, he put in work for me after I provided the necessary Information he requested from me, after then he gave me the numbers to play after 24hours and directed me on how to play and when I should play them which I did, I won £5.2 million pounds, I’m excited that my dream has come through, Dr OGBO is the best when it comes to winning the lottery with spell and prayers Email: Psychicogboreading@gmail.com OR WhatsApp +2348110968476 thank you
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With my experience working with Dr Isikolo, i came to the conclusion there are very good and honest people out there who can truly do all they can to fix whatever problems you have even when they are not known to you visibly or see them in person. I lost my marriage for not being able to fully what it means to lead a woman right and accept the fact that they are wired in a way we men can never understand. I had to seek help from Dr Isikolo knowing my wife is a good woman whom i cant loose to anyone else. It was a tough situation for me though and too many things was revealed to me while he was helping me to fix the problems and i got the effect of the result just after 48 hours as he assured me and i have my wife back home to me. Dr Isikolo is the best option you can choose to restore love and connection between you and your partner and get back them back to your lives and be happy together forever. You can call/text him via WhatsApp +234-8133261196 or click on his webpage and see more details about his good works: https://isikolo-temple.com
I have had my fair share of emotional traumas and failed relationships. There is nothing more to life than staying hopeful even when we expect the worse. I was lucky once more when i met my fiancé and he was all that i ever wanted in a man. I was always treated right by him and i had always believed we are ending up together. Unknown to me that devil had struck even before my wishes came through. He was taken from me by another bitch and it was hell for me knowing he had left me. I was so sure that he didn’t do so with his clear mind because everything seems award when it occurred. So i had to look for help and I found dr isikolo who revealed to me that my man was hypnotized with charms by the said lady. He worked for me and got my man back to me and now we are back again. I cant be thankful enough knowing everything Dr isikolo promised was fulfilled and knowing the result of his works manifests after 48 hours. No lies about all you will ever hear about him and what he does. Contact him now if need be and be fully assured he wont fail you. Text him on WhatsApp via +2348133261196 or review/contact him on his webpage: https://isikolo-temple.com
Praise be to the incredible Lord Meduza, I’ve never seen or heard of his lottery spell failing, not even once, and that includes my own experience. Every day, I feel renewed blessings after connecting with the Great Lord Meduza, who gifted me my winning six-digit lottery numbers that won me $740,000,000 million dollars by using his magical skills to foresee the outcome. I’m a dad of four, and it’s been a few years since I lost my wife to cancer; I miss her terribly. To wrap things up, I really want to thank Great Meduza for being so good at what he does. His guidance and lessons were applied swiftly and precisely, leading us to the best possible result, which we definitely achieved. You can reach him by email: lordmeduzatemple@hotmail.com or check out his website via ( lordmeduzatemple.com ) for more information. Stay blessed and know you’re in good hands with Lord Meduza.
A testimony that I will tell everyone to hear. i have been married for 6 years and on the seventh year of my marriage, another woman had a spell to take my lover away from me and my husband left me and the kids and we have suffered for 2 years until i saw a post where this man DR OGEDEGBE have helped someone and i decided to give him a try to help me bring my lovely Husband home, and believe me i just send my picture to him and that of my husband and after 1 week as he have told me, i saw a car drove into the house and behold it was my husband and he have come to me and the kids and that is why i am happy to make every one of you in same similar problem to meet with this man and have your lover back to yourself His email: dr.ogedegbe6@gmail.com you can also contact him on whatsapp via +2349121737553 thank so much DR OGEDEGBE